Rabbit Hole

It has been two weeks since my first blog post. When I decided to start a blog, I was so geared up and thought I would have so much to say and heck writing once a week would be a piece of cake. Then reality hit, or should I say depression hit. Depression is something that I struggle with hardcore in the winter. The weather plays a huge part in my mood and it hit me like a ton of bricks last week. My mind was racing with crap. I did not sleep well. Even being remotely productive sucked. However, toward the end of the week I started something I had never done  before…

I usually let me mind wonder and keep me up. I sulk in self pity and tell myself that I am not good enough. These lies that I keep telling myself are not from God. One night last week I was laying in bed and could not sleep. I started going on the rabbit trail of some irrational thought, about 20 minutes later I realized, hey this isn’t from God. I then focused on that. What would God say to me? Suddenly, my thoughts stopped racing and I was able to fall straight to sleep.

The last few days I have tried to catch myself before I go down some crazy depressed rabbit hole, and it has worked. I am slowly transforming my mind. The weather is still crappy and I do not want to get out of my warm bed in the mornings, but it is becoming more manageable. My next hurdle is to get into the gym regularly. I have let the weather keep me from doing that as well or at least that is the excuse I am giving. My mind is most sharp when I am getting sleep, working out, going to church/INVOLVED, and I am eating healthy. Thankfully, I have asked a few different friends to keep me accountable for different parts of my journey.

So as for now, I am still on this journey of self discovery and happiness. It is a process and nothing changes overnight. Until next time.

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